Intentional Self Sabotage

Lately, I have noticed a personal trend. I am no longer preventing mistakes from happening.. I am allowing myself to fuck up, and it almost feels like self-sabotage.

Why, though?

Anger and sadness (and anything else we consider to be negative emotions) are usually the emotions which teach us the fastest (and in the most unforgettable ways.) This is not to say learning in a positive manner is less beneficial, but believe me, after I burnt my neck on my flat-iron while doing my hair, I became far more aware of my hands while holding a flat iron, even when its not turned on. We all know what I’m jabbing on about.

Sq a more practical example; I got into an argument a few days ago with someone close to me. I flipped them the bird and advised them to (not so kindly) “fuck off.” We were almost to the breaking point, where there’d be a physical altercation…

I knew this wasn’t the right way to respond. Now that I think back, I remember buffering for a few seconds, prior to reacting (more like exploding,) reminding myself that my response would be morally wrong.

But I am human, and I’m assuming you are too. We are having a human experience. Why shouldn’t we embrace the feelings we are meant to experience, at least once in a while? I am not, at all, saying we should hold onto our anger, sadness, or worry, and let it devour us. But I do believe we should allow ourselves to feel them freely, without guilt.

It can be okay if you did the wrong thing, as long as you are learning from it and looking to prevent it from happening again. Analyze yourself & ask yourself these questions.

What did you learn and realize?

Have you acknowledged the individuals perspective & how you may have impacted them?

(You must also understand, what you put out is what you get back; and this includes our INTERNAL emotional state.)

Or instead, have you locked your mind away in its cage, shutting out any ideas or perspectives from those who really know you? Are you refusing to take your experiences as an expansion of yourself? This will only create more hurt & loneliness. I know.. I use to do this, until recently.

Since I have acknowledge my own internal battle with accepting criticism and victimizing myself, and have worked diligently to improve them, my growth has expanded in ways I couldnt imagine. But as stated before, I am human, I have negative emotions too (and really fucking bad days sometimes,) but when you allow yourself to feel them, analyze them, and begin to understand them, you let external situations impact you far less frequently.

When you endure a situation that has you feeling depleted of your peace-of-mind, I want you to remember that there is balance in all. Whether it is clear to you or not, you may feel you have lost one thing, but the truth is, you have gained something else. What you have gained is far more valuable than what was originally “lost,” and all it is, is understanding.

By understanding your emotions & reactions, you will be able to prevent bringing unwanted experiences back, and if if they arrive, you will know exactly how to handle them.

From now on, agree to allow yourself to feel what you feel, analyze & understand it, resolve it, and apply the new perspective to your beautiful life.

With love and grace,


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